Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
