Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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