i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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