Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
