Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
