I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize
