i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
