Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize