It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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