Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
