Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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