no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I stole a fireplace last night.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
