dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
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you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
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They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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