I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Be still, my beating vagina.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
