'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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