when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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