According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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