why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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