somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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