remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
