cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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