sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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