Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
