Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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