super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
