Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
