He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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