when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Randomize
