dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
