all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
