Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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