Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
