that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
