Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
