Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
