just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
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