You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
