dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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