sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
