Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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