So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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