I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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