he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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