She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
