so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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