Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
