Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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