Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
