Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
