Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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