I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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