Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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