The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
