It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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