oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
