He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
