That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
