and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
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So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
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Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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