I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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