I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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