Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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