is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
