yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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