so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
