Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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