is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
