sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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