moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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