I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I just want nice things and good sex
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
