dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
