If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
