Your tits are I can't wait for
i think my tv is drunk
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
