I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
